What an absolute saga the existence of Madame Web has been — it shattered many an already-flimsy trust in Hollywood, it was through its animus that we disrespected Shrek, it demonstrated our severe lack of proficiency in choosing which Sydney Sweeney movie to watch, and it got its comeuppance at the hands of one of Netflix’s worst original movies.

Indeed, this has been an utterly sadistic cinematic affair. Luckily, it’s an affair that’s come to an end; according to FlixPatrol’s Top 10 Netflix movie rankings for the United States, the bizarro crown jewel of Sony’s Spider-Man Universe has scuttled off into the obscure haze of 11th place-and-lower. But don’t think you can breathe easy just yet folks.

Why? Because if you wait long enough for the dust to settle, it will dawn on you that Dakota Johnson is not yet satisfied with the havoc she’s wreaked with her most infamous projects, because the one and only Fifty Shades of Grey, in all its problematic pseudo-eminence, is sitting neatly at the top of that very same chart.

Johnson, of course, starred as Anastasia Steele in the dire erotica adaptation that somehow fooled everyone enough to enter trilogy territory, and while many critics at the time noted her performance as a low point, it’s clear now that Johnson is operating on a level that’s entirely worthy of all of our respect. Specifically, she seems willing to put in as much effort as the script deserves, considering what we’ve seen of her in Fifty Shades and now Madame Web.

Indeed, the actress really goes above and beyond when it comes to criticizing the Hollywood landscape, with her frank, outspoken nature gelling quite nicely with her refusal to give non-creativity any real attention. Hats off to you, Johnson!


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